


Reprise

by Soll



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Mutual pining but in one POV, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-15 01:49:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29926101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soll/pseuds/Soll
Summary: Sebastian never sleeps with same guy twice.Blaine is going to all the parties he didn't go to when he was dating Jeremiah.They meet. Once or twice.or: the nine times blaine and sebastian stumble in a bed together before they make it official, because they're just that dense
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe, background Tike and Thadbox (i can't believe I wrote that portmanteu)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 52





	Reprise

**Author's Note:**

> this is a self-indulgent mess of kind-of-sexy flirty fluff. i know.

1.

“How do you do it?” Thad asks him with equal part admiration and judgment.

“Make out? If you were hot I'd sacrifice our friendship to give you a demonstration, but alas.”

“No need, I wouldn't want to catch something.”

“Are you slut-shaming me right now?” Sebastian mocks him.

“Yes, I am,” Thad hands him a bottle of cheap beer. “You've made out with five guys so far. And I doubt you're done with it.”

“Your jealousy only fuels me,” Sebastian informs him, grimacing at the taste of what he can only describe as warm piss. “And if you want to make out with someone, pick a guy and do it. We're far enough into the night that your face won't matter that much.”

“You know,” Thad tells him very seriously, “one day you're gonna end up without a single friend.”

“And that will be a very joyful day. You're a bore. Come on, I'll pick you an easy target. Don't say I'm not helpful.”

Sebastian surveys the crowd. The party is in full swing, girls are down to their bras, boys are throwing their shirts around like they're backup strippers in Magic Mike. People are snorting weird shit in the corners and there's a fastidious hint of vomit under the smell of alcohol and sweat. He's gone through the four decent guys on the dance floor (and one rather hideous but with a good attitude), so he lowers his standards for Thad. He locates a guy that screams freshman, rather nice hair and with absolutely no ass.

“Like, that one?” he points to him. “Just go there, get in his personal space, and then give him tongue.”

“I'm gonna get punched.”

“You will if you don't wait for the eye contact.”

He grabs him by the shoulder and looks at him. Thad looks so weirded out, Sebastian slips and laughs.

“Look, just go. It's been forever since you've kicked me out of the room to get some dick.”

Thad rolls his eyes, but when Sebastian pats his back he squares up and dances his way to the middle of the frat living room. It takes a minute of awkward shuffling for him to get close enough to the guy to being payed attention to, but it looks like the game is on. Sebastian guesses he's kind of happy for him. He was still a closet case when they got to college, and Sebastian might have been a little fastidious with his insinuations. In his defense, everything about Thad tends to incite being picked on, starting with how easy it would be to find him a job in a parody porn of Grease.

He's looking around, trying to decide if he's still having fun or not, when the spots a guy walking out of the kitchen. On the short side, strong arms, soft-looking curly hair, undone bow tie handing around his neck. It's late and Sebastian is starting to feel the adrenaline slipping, but if Thad manages to snatch a hook up, Sebastian will need somewhere to spend the night.

So, he practices what he preaches. He waits for the guy to start dancing with his friend, swallows the last of his beer, and dances right behind him. His friend, a girl dressed like a bat he vaguely remembers having a meltdown in front of the Literature Hall (and thus promptly nicknamed Mel), looks at him with a furious look.

The guy must catch on because he turns over his shoulder to look at him. Might be the beer talking, but he's got a really nice face. He checks him out quickly, no prolonged eye contact yet, but when he turns he must make a telling face, because Mel rolls her eyes and storms away. A hag, probably.

The guy backs down until they're properly dancing chest to back. Sebastian waits for him to earnestly grind against him to get his hands on his hips. Then the guy throws his head back, head on Sebastian's shoulder, lips just barely parted. His eyes almost look gold in the incandescent lights. Sebastian has just tilted his head to kiss him, when a strong warm hand comes behind his neck, fingers gently curling in his hair. The guy leans up, lips just barely brushing Sebastian's.

“You're not a freshman, are you?” he asks in the smoothest velvety voice.

“Do I look like one?”

“Can't really tell with kids these days,” he grins, eyelids heavy.

Sebastian kisses him. He tries. The fingers in his hair tug just enough that Sebastian is about to leave him hanging for the offense.

“Answer me, will you?”

It's his voice that does it, really.

“No, I'm not a freshman. Do you need to see my student ID?”

He's barely finished talking when the guy pulls to the back of his head, and finally he kisses him.

He's a really good kisser. Not a tongue enthusiast, more than makes up for it with slow, demanding lips. He's got the barest hint of a 5 o'clock shadow, just rough enough on Sebastian's cheek that he can tell it's there.

When he turns in his arms, his hands grip at Sebastian's arms, then his neck. He moans when Sebastian's pushes a knee between his legs. They're not even pretending to dance anymore, if they ever did.

“Want to get out of here?” Sebastian asks in the huskiest voice he can.

His answer comes in sudden cold distance. But the guy's hand is around his wrist, and Sebastian lets himself be dragged upstairs.

“Party's almost over. Hoping we could go to your room, don't waste the night away.” He smirks, kissing the back of his neck, his shoulders, fingers curling the fabric of shirt out of his chinos. The guy only laughs.

Sebastian has him crowded against the wall as soon as they make it in a room. Sebastian can hear the click of the lock, turned without fumbling.

“Good. I had the same idea,” he says in a grin that's almost shy, even if his voice is begging Sebastian's to strip him down and ruin him.

Convenient.

So, he fucked Blaine Anderson. Apparently it's a big deal in the college show choir scene of Evanston, Illinois.

“How could you not know?” Thad shouts.

Sebastian shrugs, drying his hair with a towel just enough that he won't drip water everywhere. It's early in the morning. He got kicked out after round two, much to his dismay, because Blaine insisted that he needed get some sleep before whatever lesson he had at 9:00am. Sebastian walked the edge off before getting back to his dorm and take a shower. He's in that perfect manic state of heightened productivity that hits him when he's just physically short of collapsing. He can ride it out until lunch, and then skip his social work class to pass out.

“I'm not gay enough to care about show choir?”

Thad points at the photo hanged on his wall. It's a picture of the Warblers getting their third place at Nationals his junior year. Sebastian shrugs.

“You must at least have heard his name!”

“Maybe twice. And I wasn't going to ask for his last name and social security number while I was fucking him into a mattress, was I?”

The guy Thad brought home covers his ears with a pillow.

“And why is he still here?” he asks Thad. “You kick them out when you're done. It's rule number one.”

“You're just jealous he'll get back to his room later than you did,” Thad says.

Sebastian buttons up his jeans.

“Have you ever heard of quality over quantity?”

“Have you ever heard of shutting the fuck up?” a groggy voice says throwing the pillow on the ground.

Sebastian frowns, getting in a t-shirt.

“That's not the guy you made out with last night.”

Thad coughs.

“Yeah, well, he wasn't a good kisser, really, so. I found another one.”

“Good for you.” Sebastian pats his upper arm. Then he turns. “Now, you tell me to shut up one more time, I'm gonna find out what you hold most dear and I'm going to steal it from you just to ruin it forever.”

“You're right,” the dude says, “he really is a brat.”

“Excuse me?” Sebastian snaps before collecting himself. “Although I should be flattered you think of me when you need to live up to your name, Hardwood.”

He leaves just after that. He has no time for this. He's got Criminal Justice to get to.

2.

The problem with being a slut that never repeats himself, Sebastian ponders drinking an half-decent rum and coke, is that you risk to end up in a room filled with expired free trials.

“Lazy night?” John asks him, and Sebastian doesn't answer.

“Still ignoring my existence?”

Sebastian takes another sip of his drink.

“He'll get over it,” Thad says, “although maybe it's better for you if he doesn't.”

“Isn't it on you if he has to suffer me?” Sebastian says slowly. “That's why you kick them out, so that they won't get attached and lap at your feet.”

“Maybe that's why you don't have any friends,” Thad ponders. “You make out with everyone you find interesting and then never talk to them again.”

Sebastian isn't in the mood to argue with Thad. What he's in the mood for is heated skin and fresh sweat, but he can't find anyone half decent.

Aside from Blaine Anderson, that is, but that's not an option anymore. Now that Sebastian knows who he is, or at least how much of a household his name is on the other side of campus, he's starting to notice a few things. Like how many people are watching him with lust crazed eyes, and yet there's a reverent space around him, like no one would ever dare. He's dancing with Mel, and they have enough space around them to work some decent half moves.

“I still can't believe you slept with him,” Thad sighs.

“Careful, your husband will get jealous.”

“We're not dating,” Thad says like Sebastian cares what label they use to excuse their incessant making out.

“And I wouldn't get jealous over Anderson. It's like being jealous of the Jonas brothers.”

“How come I never seen him for three semesters, and now I can't stop stumbling over him?”

“First of all, you've met him twice,” Thad fastidiously points out, “and I think it's because he broke up with his boyfriend of two years before Christmas break.”

“Jeremiah,” John intercept. “Gone, but never forgotten. Rest in peace.”

“What happened to him?” Thad asks.

“Nothing, he just moved to LA to become an actor.”

“But he had, like, one facial expression.”

“And good abs. He's a shoe-in.”

Sebastian presses his tongue to his cheek, determined not to give one sign of amusement.

So, Blaine is getting all the good fucks he missed out during his best years. Good for him. Sebastian is happy to have helped him through his journey.

Blaine's hip thrusts are giving him flashbacks. He really need to find someone else to drag in a room.

Then Blaine stops dancing and heads right to him. Sebastian parts his lips to turn him down with some witty line, but Blaine just smiles and pours himself half a quarter bottle of tequila. And then he's gone, off to share his drink with Mel.

John snickers with a little too much enthusiasm.

“Dude, your face,” he wheezes.

Sebastian's done. Whatever. He'll go make out with the sorta decent guy he had ruled out for having stupid highlights in his hair.

Four drinks later and a staircase above, he's got the guy on his knees. The guy is clearly hesitating. Sebastian figured he's new at this whole boys stuff when they were dancing and he didn't know where to put his hands. It sets him on a bit of a power-craze whenever he catches a fresh prey, but he would love to have lost his pants by now. He's almost to the point of offering to suck him off instead, just to get somewhere, even though he isn't particularly in the mood, when the door opens and party music floods in.

“Sorry, I- _hi._ ” It's a familiar laugh.

“Hey,” he say back, just because.

The guy he wasted time with for the better part of the night shoots on his feet and scrambles out muttering excuses, and Sebastian is actually quite glad he got rid of him. Fledglings can be exhausting.

“I'm really sorry for scaring off your guy,” Blaine says stumbling in, pretty drunk and alone.

Sebastian is pretty drunk and alone, too. Enough so that when Blaine drops on the bed, arms open and chest heaving, he doesn't move from the bed.

His shirt is unbuttoned enough to beg Sebastian to just undo one more. His hair is a mess of sweat and gel. And, most annoyingly, he still smell like something fruity that Sebastian can't quite name.

“You probably saved me from a really bad blowjob.”

Blaine scrunches his nose.

“I'm familiar with it. Haven't had a decent one in years.”

Interesting. Sebastian licks his teeth.

“Let's hope Jeremiah can get some lessons, then. We don't want his Hollywood dream to flunk at his first casting, do we?”

Blaine laughs, and then covers his eyes like he shouldn't have. He pushes his hair back and looks up at Sebastian.

“You're a bad influence. I'm supposed to be healing, by now. No more resentments.”

“Says who?”

“Tina. My friend, downstairs.”

“Oh, Mel.”

“Mel?”

“Short for _meltdown_ , I saw her crying like a baby seal in the middle of the lit building at the end of the last term.”

Blaine snickers, but manages to keep it short.

“Well, _Tina_ says I can't get over him if I keep being angry at him, no matter how many guys I hook up with, so.”

“And what does Mel know about it?”

“Went through it with her High School sweetheart. Didn't get over him until she forgave him.”

“Well, how many guys has she fucked in the meanwhile?”

“Not many, that I know of.”

“Then how does she know that your way won't work out?”

Blaine laughs again, and Sebastian must be drunker than anticipated, because he reaches out a hand and undoes that stupid button. Blaine holds a breath.

“I've come up here precisely not to do this.” It's all breathy chest voice and Sebastian bites his cheek. And then thinks: what the hell. It doesn't count as a repeat if he hasn't blown him before. It's a reprise, at best.

“Yeah, well. I came up here exactly to do this, so.”

He gets off the bed, and unbuckles Blaine's belt. Blaine leans on his elbow to look down at him. Sebastian's jeans are getting past uncomfortable.

“ _This_ , exactly?” Blaine asks, eyes narrow.

“Close enough.”

“You don't have to.”

“It's not a pity blowjob, B. A pity blowjob would have been blowing Europe back there. This is more like a treat.”

“How do you get laid saying shit like that?”

“I don't know, you tell me.”

Blaine laughs again, raising his hips to help Sebastian pull his pants down.

Sebastian hates guys putting their hands in his hair when he gives head. He knows what he's doing, and he hates feeling constrained. But Blaine's hand is firm and relaxed, and brushes his hair gently. And what if he sometimes holds on just a little too tight, or nudges him forward. He's been getting bad blowjobs for two years. He deserves to have some fun.

3.

He's on his way to Statistics when he quite literally bumps into Mel.

“Have your lost your glasses?” he asks, even if it was him who was distracted looking at his phone. It's a reflex, really.

“Excuse me?” she says, and she doesn't look like she's gonna back down from a fight.

He's about to say something Thad would prohibit him from posting online in order not to get him disbarred from the register in the future, when Blaine walks up to them with two coffees in hand a warm smile that says he has no idea what's going on.

“Hi,” he says.

Sebastian and Tina share a quick look.

“He run me over!” “All that eyeliner must have permanently tinted her iris.”

Blaine gives Tina her coffee and then holds up a hand.

“I don't have time for this. I had to be in the lab five minutes ago. Sebastian, it was great to see you. Tina, let's go.”

He takes her by the elbow and she follows suit, but sadly for her Sebastian is headed in the same direction. He walks up to Blaine's other side.

“Lab?”

“Biochemistry.”

He says pulling a face, like it clears anything up for Sebastian.

“You're getting a science degree?”

“Chemistry major.”

“I thought you were in show choir.”

“You got me, that's what I'm actually majoring in, I'm just too embarrassed to say it.”

“You know what I meant.”

He smiles behind the lid of his coffee.

“I'm a theater minor.”

“Versatile.”

“You wouldn't know, would you?”

He blinks. Then he frowns. Blaine's small polite smile is too cheeky. Sebastian does not like it. He likes the intrusive imagery in his head even less.

“What does he know about it? He's probably taking law or political science or something just as boring,” Tina chimes in.

Although, technically it wouldn't count if Blaine did him. He has established his rules- if it's new, it's allowed.

“And now you ignore me? What are you, five?”

“I'm a psychology major. Can't wait to get to the chapter about dressing like Gothic barbie on drugs well into your twenties.”

She squeals.

“Tell me, Blaine, is this who you want do instead that moving on with your life in an healthy way?”

“Who are you, his life coach? Let the guy be. What if he wants to whore around a bit? I do it all the time, and I'm doing great.”

“He's not you! He just got out of a three year relationship”-

“I thought it was two.”

Blaine tilts his coffee as to say it's a long story.

-“and this is not good for him! He's just making himself miserable!”

“And late,” he says pointing at one of the building. “So I'll leave you”- he points to Tina -”to your date, and you to whatever the hell you're doing around the science side of campus. And stop being mean to each other.”

They wait until he's far enough not to ear them.

But just when he turns to continue the brawl, Tina crosses her arms and turn away from him, her hair whipping back.

Only then he realizes he missed his building and he's already ten minutes late.

It's a considerably quiet party. People are fighting over UNO and there's three couples playing spin the bottle, clearly trying to incite an orgy. The stereo's volume is low and a band is lazily playing some acoustic rock in the corner.

“You're too good at this,” John says about his prowess at darts, because apparently Sebastian can't get rid of him.

“It's his party trick. He shows off until someone hot asks him to teach him, or challenges him.”

“If you're done providing your usual insightful commentary on my life, Hardwood, I'll go fix myself a drink,” he drawls, shooting the last dart voluntarily off set.

He's just starting on his usual rum and coke when he sees Blaine talking to a guy on the other side of the room. He's clearly flirting, leaning against the wall, a lazy grip on his beer. When Blaine drinks, he makes sure to hollow out his cheeks.

He doesn't look away when Blaine turns. He is allowed to look at pretty things.

Blaine winks at him, and the guy follows his eyes, and Sebastian kind of recognizes him. It's not a surprise when it's clear they start talking about him. He rolls his eyes and goes sitting next to the band. The one playing bass is hot enough to try and scout out if he's down with experimenting.

He's working on it, slipping vague innuendos in between bullshit praise about his musical talent, when Blaine crouches behind him and talk to his ear. He doesn't know why he knows it's Blaine from the moment that he gets close enough to tell it's even happening. Maybe it's that annoying fragrance. It's even worse now that's not muddled with sweat or alcohol, even though the aftershave is still distracting.

It takes Blaine's chuckle to realize he must have missed a question.

“What?” he asks, forcibly casual, trying to rein in the mood.

But Blaine leaves a kiss under his ear, and that's extremely rude and a severe violation of Sebastian's personal space. He turns to tell him, and closes his mouth when he accepts he's not gonna say a word. Not with Blaine's eyes looking like that. They're dark and blown out, and Sebastian isn't sure he smoked something with his toy boy of the night. Maybe that's what the smell is. Maybe he's actually a stoner.

“I've been told there's a secret liquor stash,” Blaine says, “want to venture upstairs?”

Yes, he does. The bassist is probably a boring and selfish fuck. Hardly worth the efforts.

But _want_ isn't the question. _Should,_ is. Should he go upstairs having sex with Blaine Anderson during a party, for the third time?

“Sure,” he says, because he's aware he's taking too much time to give an answer, and he needs time to make sensible decisions and defeat his suicidal gut instincts.

So he gets up, he ignores John's whistle, and sooner than he knows he's in yet another room. Blaine has to switch on the lights. Given the scene, it's likely no one stumbled there before them.

They're kissing slowly, Blaine straddling him and shirts throw away, when Blaine licks his ear.

“What's your stance of threesomes?” he asks, and where the hell did that come from.

“Why do I feel like this is a trick question?”

“Because it is,” Blaine tilts up his head and kisses him, and Sebastian has kind of forgotten they were talking when he breaks away. “The guy downstairs said since we all seemed to like each other and wanted fun, maybe we should do it. And I said no for mostly selfish reasons, and now I kind of feel bad I cheated you out of it.”

“Even if, what are we going to do? Go downstairs, find him and tell him, _yeah, you know what, we actually do want you to third wheel_?”

That's not what he meant to said at all. It sounds very bad. He's halfway in to try and save himself, when Blaine speaks.

“I mean, we could.”

“You already said no.”

“I didn't say no because I'm against it, I just”- he wraps his arms around Sebastian's neck -“just absolve me of my guilt, please.”

“Only if you tell me what your selfish reasons were.”

He gets a long kiss instead. It's indulgent, and unhurried. Sebastian's right arm is safely circling Blaine's waist, while he follows the seam of Blaine's jeans with his thumb, his thigh thick and toned under his palm.

“It's just not that kind of party,” Blaine says scrunching his nose, voice nothing more than a slur.

Sebastian kind of want to ask him if he was the one to turn the guy down. But he doesn't, because however Blaine replies, he's fucked. If he wasn't, Sebastian was a consolation prize and that's a hit on his pride, if he was- Sebastian doesn't know what to think about it.

Blaine unbuttons his jeans.

“What is it that you smell like?” he says, because he's trying to ignore the question pressing at the back of his throat.

Blaine humors him.

“Sandalwood?”

“It's not that.”

“Uh-” he looks up, lost in thought, and Sebastian clings to his neck and buries his face in Blaine's neck when Blaine's hand sneaks inside his brief. “Raspberry?”

“Yes,” he says, not sure if it's an answer or a plea.

“It's the gel. I don't use much anymore, I didn't think you could actually smell it.”

“Shut up,” he says, and Blaine stops moving his hand instead.

“You asked me a question.”

“I'm not letting you jerk me off when you talk about hair products.”

“Too gay?”

“Yes. And profoundly unsexy.”

“Sure?” Blaine asks, his free hand gripping the back of Sebastian's neck. “I find that anything can be sexy if said in the right voice.”

His lips move against Sebastian's hair, and an embarrassing chill goes through Sebastian' back.

Then Blaine's hand is moving again, and he kinds of forget anything but the taste and texture of salty skin.

Sebastian ends up blowing him again, which he shouldn't have because it's a clear violation of any loophole he has exploited so far, but he can't really say no when Blaine actually asks.

In for a penny, in for a pound, when Blaine drags him up to kiss him, Sebastian tangles up with him and just lays there. Blaine's got an arm around his shoulders and one on his hip, and one of his legs hooked over one of Sebastian's. Their pants are zipped up, Sebastian is kind of hard but he'll get over it, and there's absolutely no getaway whatsoever to justify this rationally.

And since he's already fucked, he figures it's a good occasion to throw his dignity away, too. May it not be forgotten.

“Did he dump you? After you turned the threesome down?”

Blaine smiles and rolls them over, and sure, let's add this to the pile. He kind of shudders and kind of doesn't think about it when Blaine hikes his leg up higher on his hip.

“What do you think?”

“I asked you.”

“Fishing for validation is only fun if you play along.”

This is taking it too far.

“I am not”- Blaine puts his fingers up to his lips.

“I left him hanging and I came searching for you.”

“Why?”

“Because what I wanted, I didn't want from a random guy with a bad haircut. I wanted it with you. And I got it. So how about you shut up and we have some fun?”

Sebastian ignores the uncomfortable fluttery feeling.

“Thinking about any fun in particular?”

“How long as it been since you dry-humped someone?”

His hand go back to where it was behind Sebastian's knee, to get his leg around him again.

“I see what you're doing, Anderson,” he informs him, because he might be compromised but he isn't dead yet.

“Oh, yeah?” he asks, eyes wide and innocent. “Don't know what you're talking about.”

He thrust down and kisses him, and Sebastian tries really, really hard for a second not to give in. But then Blaine does it again, and Sebastian has to swallow an unfamiliar sound. After all, there isn't a night like tonight to not get fucked by Blaine Anderson.

4.

Sebastian has a problem.

It's a silly problem that's taking up most of his waking thoughts.

Contrary to popular (Thad's) belief, he's never really thought about sex that much. He did it a lot, for sure. Maybe that's why he was usually devoid of intrusive thoughts ruining his day.

Now he's taking notes, and suddenly he needs Blaine's skin under his fingers. Walking has become hazardous, since he can't take four steps and think: I never bit his throat, I kind of wanna do that. Listening to Thad going on and on about some political science class he found revolutionary? All drowned in the memory of Blaine pressing him down into some stranger mattress that smelled like clean laundry.

He kind of wants Blaine Anderson to fuck him.

“Not to burst your bubble, Thad, but I don't think he's listening to a word you're saying.”

“He's not explaining why you're still here, so, no, I'm not interested.”

“It's been a month, Sebastian. When are you going to accept we're friends? You're friends?”

“I've been accepting a lot of things lately, let me live in denial.”

“Like what?” Thad asks.

Sebastian slurps on the remnants of his Irish coffee.

And then he chokes on it (very elegantly), because Blaine and Mel are walking in the coffee-shop. And then he remembers it's Mr. Engineering-grad-student fault if they're hanging out in the wrong side of campus, so he tucks a away a mental note to get through with his plan to ruin John's loved ones. He'll fuck his sister if he has to.

“Hey, Blaine,” he smiles when Blaine walks up to say hi.

Maybe Sebastian should ruin his own life, instead.

“Hi, Sebastian.”

Thad sneers. John covers his mouth and closes his eyes. Tina scoffs.

“Come on, Blainey-day. Let's get our coffee. There's too much frat-boy energy at this table.”

“I am in a frat, Tay-Tay.”

“Exactly. You need time off from it before you starting thinking about spending the spring break in Vegas.”

Blaine makes a very guilty face.

“Well, in that case, this the perfect place,” Sebastian drawls.

Why, _why_ , is he trying to get them to stay. He's not going to get blown under a table in a cafeteria.

“You're not in a frat?” Tina asks looking at the three of them, deeply unimpressed.

“I'm a grad student,” John says.

“And I was afraid of what Sebastian could have become, so I begged him not to join one.”

“It isn't for me, anyway. If I wanted to be contained in a house just to be bullied and humiliated for at least a year, I would have auditioned for the Big Brother. Cashed in my fifteen minutes of fame.”

“You don't necessarily have to be humiliated,” Blaine says, “I wasn't.”

“Then it's a weak fraternity,” John tells him, “the whole point is to break your back to make you appreciate the absolute power that will come later. Make you experience the lowest of lows and the highest of highs.”

“That sounds awful,” Blaine says, taking a chair from another table.

“What are you doing?” Tina snaps.

“Sitting down?”

“We're not sitting here! I have to tell you about Mike!”

Blaine smiles and makes a wide gesture between them.

“You said you wanted a male perspective, you're getting a wider sample.”

“And I'm bi,” John raises a hand, “so I might be actually useful.”

Tina surveys them all. Then grabs a chair.

“So, last Saturday we went on our third date, and we got back to his room to make out but he never really initiated anything, which is weird because there's this really strong sexual tension between us-”

Sebastian zones out before she's even a sentence in. Then he zones out even more, because Blaine steals his coffee, takes a sip, and pouts.

“This is empty.”

“Almost like I drank it.”

“Why would you do that?” Blaine whines, and Sebastian shakes his head.

“You're right. I should have thought about you walking in.”

“You should always be thinking about me,” Blaine says under his lashes, deep and cheeky, “and now I'm going to have to abandon you to get my drink. That will show you. Is it a caramel or matcha day, Tina?”

“-right? That's what I was thinking! Matcha, thank you. So I should be the one to-”

Sebastian doesn't like this. He doesn't like Tina and Thad hitting it off, he doesn't like John looking at him like he's a baby seal lost at sea, and most of all he doesn't like that he's letting it happen.

He's letting Blaine dragging him upstairs, he's letting him flirt with him, and between that first hurried hook up and the last time they kissed, something shifted, and he can't tell why. What's worst is that when Blaine sits down again and offers him a sip of his coffee because _he_ is not a heathen, Sebastian takes it.

He has a revelation during psych 205.

Blaine's got the upper hand because they're not playing the same game.

Sebastian is resisting the affair, which means he's not initiating, because if it was up to him, he wouldn't. But the reasons he wouldn't doesn't hold up: repeating himself was never a rule, but a pattern. He just got bored with his hook ups, and therefore moved on to someone else. But he isn't bored of Blaine, and the sex is possibly the best he ever got, so there's no point in him fighting the tide.

He tricked himself.

He's the only one standing in the way of his own fun.

“Have you gone brain-dead?” Kitty asks after Sebastian has been staring at his notebook without writing anything down for far too long.

“Never been better.”

“Hey,” he says to Blaine's ear as soon as he spots him on the dance floor.

“Hi, you.” He throws his head back, but Sebastian spins him around and circles his waist, pushing a knee between his legs.

“Want to get out of here?”

“The party barely started.”

“Which means we can get back to it once I'm done with you, should you need a break.”

Blaine swallows, red lips and huge eyes, and Sebastian kisses him, hard.

It's the same sorority then before, but a different room.

It takes him almost dropping Blaine on the ground once he comes, to come down from his high. Quite literally. Blaine might be smaller than him, but he's heavier than he looks, and Sebastian has no idea how he managed to give a half decent performance while holding him up against the wall. He suspects Blaine helped by holding on the door frame.

“You know,” Blaine pants in his ears, arms wrapped loosely around his neck, “I never got fucked against a wall.”

“So, no blow jobs and no vertical fucking, tell me again why you were dating that guy?”

Blaine kisses his neck, and then his throat. Sebastian catches his breath when his hands get on Sebastian's hips.

“He had other talents.”

Why can't Sebastian keep his mouth shut.

“I'm kind of thirsty. Go get me a drink?” he asks, and Sebastian snorts.

“Who am I, your slave?”

“Well, it's kind of your fault if my legs are giving out.”

They kiss. And again. And it's dry, and hot, and they stumble their way to the bed. He rolls them over and stand up when Blaine gets comfortable between his legs.

“Let it be know, I'm only doing this because you're pretty.”

That's not what he meant to say at all.

“I'll try not to get acid on my face. Or break my nose on stage.” He pushes his hair back. “Maybe I should have studied math.”

Sebastian laughs and doesn't really care about putting himself together when wandering downstairs.

“You're an indecent sight,” Tina informs him when he sees him. “I can't wait for Blaine to get over this early mid-life crisis.”

“Yeah? Well, I really hope you don't get over your Carmilla thing. I'm especially a fan of the red eyeshadow. It really looks like you're got some infectious disease.”

“Maybe I have one and I'll infect you when I'll bit you.”

“I don't know if I'm more put off by the health hazard or the bite himself.”

“Yeah, maybe I'll just sting you with an infected needle instead.”

She whips her hair and disappear, and Sebastian is in a mild good mood when he makes it back upstairs.

But Blaine is pacing around the room with his phone in hand. He tucked his shirt back into his jeans, and his shoulders are tense. Sebastian doesn't need to overhear, to know it's Jeremiah.

He doesn't blame him for calling, really. He blames Blaine for picking up.

“How is it going with the healing?” he asks when Blaine hangs up, deliberately being as unpleasant as possible.

“Fuck that,” Blaine says, leaning on the windowsill.

“Mel won't be very happy to hear it.”

“Yeah, well, she doesn't know he's engaged yet, so.”

“Engaged?”

“Yeah. He called me because he really regrets the way we left things and he wanted me to hear it from him, out of respect.”

“I love the implication that you couldn't have handled it if you found out otherwise.”

“I know!” he says throwing his head back.

Sebastian sips on his drink.

“What's up with him anyway? Moving to LA and getting engaged in, what, four months? It's like the definition of a breakdown.”

“Actually, I think it's just- euphoria.”

“Mh.”

They're silent for a second. Loud thumps from the room next door mix with the dance remixes coming from downstairs.

“We met in High School,” Blaine starts, and Sebastian rolls the glass in his hand. “He wasn't out. He kept circling aroung me- it was obvious he had a crush on me. He was handsome, and nice, so we dated in secret for pretty much our entire senior year. I didn't even tell Tina until we broke up. But then he came out, and things were fine again. We got to Northwestern, we shared a lot of classes, we made it into the Trebleclef together. It was good for a really long time, until he started- he was always very insecure about himself, and when he started getting over it. And I found out I liked the person I knew better. It was great for him, and I said to myself, just give yourself time to get used to the new things. But then, he started getting condescending. A lot of things we agreed on over the years, he had said out of fear, and suddenly it must have been true for me, too. Eventually he told me he wanted to move to LA, and I tried to tell him in the nicest way possible that I didn't think it was necessarily the best idea. That's when he told me he wasn't going to throw away his dreams and hide himself in Illinois like I did. That was it, for me. I mean, he was the only person that took me seriously when I told him that maybe I didn't want to got to Broadway, maybe I wanted to become a doctor. That I wasn't sure, and I wasn't ready for a commitment. We chose Northwestern together because it would have allowed us to keep our options open. And to hear him taking it back- I knew we had grown apart. It was the right thing to break up, but now he's doing great in LA, and apparently newly engaged, and I keep thinking: did I held him back? Did I- stifle him, in any way? Did he deny himself things for me, did I push him into a role that didn't fit him? I just- really, I just wish I had broken up with him sooner. Before we both got bitter.”

“So what if you did?”

Blaine looks at him with pain in his eyes, and Sebastian puts down his empty glass.

“Say that you did. Stifled him. Say you did want him to be the guy he made you think he was for three years. Who cares?”

“I,”

“He's off probably patronizing someone else because he received the queer calling and must proselytize, and you're here living your best life. You're both better off without each other, and to me it really sounds like it wasn't anyone fault. Aside from him being an ass about you maybe wanting to be a doctor, which, really, could only happen to someone who's in show choir.”

Blaine laughs, and Sebastian scoots a little to the left when he walks up to the bed. He hands Blaine his drink, a bit watered down by now. His heart does a weird little thing when Blaine puts his head on his shoulder.

“You don't think I'm hiding away in Illinois, do you?”

“If you did, you took the most unreliable way to make it. What it's the acceptance rate of this mess, again? Nine percent?”

“That's what I've been saying, too.”

“Actually, how did you even got all in?”

“That's what wakes me up at night to this day. The thought they might realize they made a mistake with the acceptance letters.”

“Even if they did, you're Northwestern's golden boy. I think you're safe. Mel, on the other hand”-

“Stop picking on her,” Blaine laughs, and Sebastian grazes the inseam of Blaine's jeans with his nails.

“That's how we have fun.”

“I'm not sure she does.”

“She just threatened me to stick me with an infected needle. I'm pretty sure she's in on the joke.”

“But is she? I would watch my back, if I were you,” Blaine mocks narrowing his eyes, and Sebastian does something he really shouldn't.

He bends down to kiss him. Just because.

“Thank you,” Blaine says, “for listening to me.”

“I didn't have much else to do.”

“There's a lot of pretty boys downstairs that could have given you some ideas.”

If there is, he hasn't noticed.

Blaine must sense he's tripping down a rabbit hole, as it's somehow become the norm, because he slaps his tight and tells him: “So, enough about me. Tell me about you.”

“I would if I had anything to tell.”

Blaine looks up at him.

“I never had a boyfriend. Seemed really boring. And inconvenient. I can hardly handle Thad, he constantly wants to do stuff together.”

“But isn't it nice? Do stuff with someone you like?”

“Never found a guy that seemed worth keeping around for that.”

Blaine kisses his neck.

“You're keeping me around.”

He probably won't die if he jumps off the window. It's just two stories.

Blaine's hand cups his neck, and he shifts around to suck on his skin more comfortably. Sebastian bruises easily. It's gonna be a mess. It's way too high to cover with a shirt.

It's deliberate, and Sebastian should get up, walk it off, and possibly take a dive in the Lakefill. He tilts his head back instead.

5.

He's barely keeping himself from burning his notes on Freud when someone knocks on the door. It can't be Thad, because it's Thursday morning and he has a full schedule.

When he opens the door, it's Blaine.

And he's furious.

“Hi?” Sebastian says.

“Can I ride you?”

He smirks. And he keeps at it.

And then Blaine pushes him back and kisses him, and Sebastian kicks the door close.

He doesn't know how he gets from the door to the bed, Blaine straddling him, his hands on his chest keeping himself upright.

Sebastian has to get over himself, because this could have been the fuck of his life. It still is, which is hurting his pride because he isn't doing absolutely nothing but keep forgetting his own name.

And when Blaine gives in and just collapses on top of him, boneless, Sebastian wraps his arms around him because he kind of needs a minute.

“Thank you,” Blaine says after minutes of blissful heavy breathing.

“What can I say, I'm truly selfless.”

Blaine laughs and kisses the ghost of his hickey.

“Haven't seen you around much, lately.”

“I'm under home arrest. I have two exams scheduled one week apart from each other and Thad won't let me out of my room. But tell me,” he rolls them over, and Blaine's finger start skimming his arm immediately, “who do I need to bribe to piss you off more often?”

“My brother called me,” he short-ends.

Sebastian has way too options to choose from for a mean spirited aside, but his grin is enough for Blaine to roll his eyes.

“He just drives me nuts. I'm never enough for him. And of course, he thinks Jeremiah was right, and that I should go to LA and stay with him. With my brother, I mean. At least he didn't say anything about getting back together with my ex.”

“Could it be that he thinks you could make it out there?”

Blaine buries a whine in his hair.

“But I don't know if I want to. Can I have one more year to figure out what I'd like to do next?”

“At least you've got the who figured out,” he jokes, and Blaine laugh warms him up.

That's how Thad finds them. Naked and, he shudders, cuddling. There's a good five minutes of _oh my Gods_ and _I'm sorry_ and _my eyes!_. Sebastian just slips into clean underwear and sits on his bed while Blaine gets dressed, laughing under his breath.

“Shouldn't you be in class?” he asks Thad, who wails around.

“I forgot my notes!”

“Take this as a lesson to be less forgetful? Although, really, this was more of a reward.”

Blaine hides a laugh away, and then Sebastian's glee just evaporates.

Blaine leans down to kiss him, sweet and quick.

“I owe you one,” he winks, and Sebastian licks his lips.

He gets another kiss.

He needs to get some fresh air. Now.

As soon as Blaine he's gone, he actually opens the window. He's being nice to Thad, really, diffusing the smell of sex. Which is way getting a pillow in his face is really unwarranted.

“This is assault!”

“You should be studying!”

“He showed up unannounced offering angry sex, what was I supposed to do? Turn him down?”

“Yes!” Thad points at him, and Sebastian drops on the bed again.

It smells like Blaine. Kind of. It's nice. Expensive.

“You better be slaving over Freud when I get back,” Thad threatens him like he's a 4th grader that doesn't want to do his homework.

It's not Sebastian's fault that he's very opinionated and getting through a paragraph of bullshit takes him forever because he must send vocal notes to Kitty to complain, which means getting notes back, in a vicious cycle of verbal abuse on dead people. That's just his study method.

6.

“Congratulations!” Tina cries hugging Thad, like he and John just announced their engagement.

“They've been dating since forever, what's the big deal?”

“We weren't dating. We were friends with benefits.” Thad says so seriously that Blaine coughs on his coffee.

“You were fucking and playing videogames then, you're fucking and playing videogames now. Where's the difference?”

“We made a commitment, Sebastian. Heard of them?”

“Yeah, I'm familiar. I made one to not throw you in the Lakefill.”

“Oh, what does he know about relationships,” Tina waves him off, and Sebastian turns to Blaine.

He hides his face behind his cup, and Sebastian only forgives him because he's still coughing from laughing at Thad. He has to go anyway, so he doesn't have the time for banter.

“Where are you going?” Blaine asks him when he gets up from the grass.

“To class. Kitty told me if I'm late one more time she's going to stab my thigh with a pen. I'm walking in there late to test her resolve, but I still have to go.”

“But,” Blaine says, tilting his head, and Sebastian winks at him and waves off the merry gang of heathens.

He takes maybe five steps when he gets turned around by the waist.

It's the surprise that makes him stand still when Blaine leans up to kiss him. He doesn't know what to blame for kissing back and wiping his thumb over Blaine's cheek.

“Try to get her to stab you on the outside of your thigh. You don't want her to catch your artery.”

It's a send-off.

Sebastian tilts Blaine's chin up and kisses him again.

So what if they kiss, sometimes.

“Don't you dare have sex with Blaine tonight,” Tina tells him under the basses of club music.

“Okay,” he shrugs, because he enjoys throwing her off.

Tina gapes a little before hitting him on his arm.

“Hey!”

“You have to stop enabling him!”

“You see, that's where the problem is. Why in hell would I do that? What's in it for me? Having to window-shop for a maybe decent fuck when Blaine is right there?”

“Don't you have any love for yourself?” she shouts, and Sebastian is kind of lost.

“I've been accused of the contrary, before, in fact.”

“He's using you! He feels lonely and he craves intimacy? He comes for you! He's pissed off? He comes for you! He can't stand his own thoughts? He comes for you! You're a sponge! He uses you to soak up whatever he's feeling too much of!”

“So?” he asks, and it's harsher than anything he ever told her. “Who cares. It's just sex. Good sex. We both enjoy it. If it helps him, good. If it doesn't? That's not my problem.”

She stares at him with so much frustration he almost thinks he's gonna get slapped. But she doesn't, she just storms off to her den, and Sebastian goes searching for a drink.

It's true, what he said. But he doesn't like the aftertaste of it.

He's drinking a beer, when he gets a glimpse of Blaine dancing. He's laughing, bowtie undone and jacket still on for some reason, two girls dancing around him. He seems to be enjoying himself. It's well into the night, and he was already there when when Sebastian got to the party. He barely got a nod when they passed each other.

He doesn't like feeling sorry for himself. He chugs the beer, leaves it on a couch, and heads straight for Blaine. One of the girls whines when he gets an arm around Blaine's waist. He might have pushed her, or she might just have realized that she wasted her last chance on a gay guy- Sebastian doesn't care. What he cares for is the slightly surprised tinge in Blaine's smile.

“Hey,” he says anyway, but Sebastian kisses away anything else.

He doesn't know what got into him, but he puts his lips to Blaine's ear.

“I want you to fuck me.”

Blaine's kiss gets him to black-out, left only with the awareness of Blaine's hands on his hips and the scent of raspberry gel.

“Want to go to my room? We're across the street,” Blaine says, and Sebastian's look must be enough because Blaine shakes his head and get him by the wrist. “Come on.”

They have to kick a couple that didn't close the door out of a room, and Blaine peels off the comforter from the bed before dragging him down.

Sebastian hasn't done it a while, and never anywhere but in the back of cars with older men that smelt like smoke. It was a phase he went through.

There's no laughing, and the smiles are quiet, but it's good. Better than good. Blaine is more gentle than careful. It's the same feeling as Blaine's hand on the back of his head when he kisses him. It makes Sebastian feel wanted, and secure. It's that feeling that keeps reeling him in, maybe.

It's how good it is that makes the uncomfortable weight in his chest unbearable.

Blaine wouldn't have searched for him tonight.

But because it's Blaine, it's easy to forget it, with every kiss, with the warmth of his hands on his hips.

“What are you thinking about?” Blaine asks kissing his cheek when he settles next to him, an arm around his chest. Sebastian trails his fingers up and down his spine.

“If I'm not talking, I'm usually not thinking.”

Blaine chuckles and kisses his neck.

“Don't space out on me,” he says, deep chest voice and just a tinge of sweetness.

He sounds like he smells.

“You can't tell me what to do.”

Sebastian needs to shut up, because soon Blaine is whispering in his ear.

“Turn around.”

He licks his cheek. The most infuriating part is that Blaine is just waiting. He just knows Sebastian is going to do it. That he'd do anything Blaine wanted, really.

He pushes his hair back and sighs.

“Fine, but you owe me.”

“Sure,” he says like Sebastian's words have no weight.

It's then, Blaine kissing at the back of his neck and his fingers taking him apart, that he remembers Blaine already owed him for interrupting his Freud.

And- Blaine's hand sneaks under his own to weave their fingers together- it was also Sebastian that kissed him first, just because he wanted to, that night when Blaine was busy beating himself up over a guy that didn't deserve him.

He bites down a moan when Blaine thrusts just that bit faster. Sebastian needs to stop betting against himself. 

He doesn't space out again. Blaine laughs when Sebastian throws him off of his back after they come, and Sebastian settles between his legs. He kisses him, even if he's smiling too much to really get anything but wet pecks out of it.

“You know,” Blaine says, eyes heavy and arms loose around him, “it's your fault that I can't fall asleep right now. You can literally see my window from here.”

He points to his left, but Sebastian gets his hand back on him right away. Blaine laughs, and Sebastian shushes him.

“Thad's going home next weekend,” he says. He doesn't ask.

Blaine kisses him. But it's the hand behind his neck that makes Sebastian shudder.

“It was about time.”

Sebastian laughs. He doesn't mean to.

“You have a single room, Anderson. You could have called me up anytime.”

It's a bit unsafe to say it, seen why they're here.

“Yes. And so do all brothers on my floor, and I don't want to deal with them.”

“Do you really call them brothers?”

“I took a pledge. Do you want me to recite it to you? It's beautiful, really.”

“Kinky, but I think I'm too tired to appreciate it,” Sebastian says, and then musters up all of his energy to get up. He winces a bit, and Blaine kisses his shoulder.

“Stop it,” Sebastian says pushing him back on the mattress. “We have to go.”

“Come home with me.”

“And deal with your brothers?”

Blaine full on whines and it shouldn't be hot but it is.

“I just want to wake up next to you,” he says, and Sebastian considers choking himself with his shirt, but he lets the panic wash away.

He settles in it, instead.

What does Mel know, anyway. She never got out of her Twilight phase.

He's tying up his shoes when he looks up at Blaine. He barely put on his underwear, his hair are a mess, and he's holding his shirt in his lap.

Sebastian's never been looked at quite like that.

7.

“Don't have sex in my bed, please,” Thad tells him getting his backpack on.

“Delta Phi honor,” Blaine assures him.

It wasn't exactly planned for Blaine to get there before Thad was even out of the room, but Thad is slow and Sebastian has two favors to redeem.

“And make him study. Burn his phone. Burn Kitty. I don't care.”

“I will not burn a human being, but I'll do what I can.”

“Oh, you can burn her,” Thad says, “she's a witch.”

“That's a grave offense to move against the handmaiden of the Lord,” Sebastian says, and Thad sighs and hugs him in a very manly way.

It's a bit awkward when they're alone.

Maybe it's Blaine's messenger bag on Thad's bed, or how dressed down Blaine is, like he barely bothered to change his shirt when he got out of bed. And, of course:

“I didn't know you need glasses.”

Blaine pushes them up with his knuckles.

“I don't wear them much, between them and the hair it just feels- lazy.”

“Well, you look hot,” he says, and he means it.

Maybe it does something for him, that he's one of the few getting to see him stripped down like this. Jeremiah aside, of course. Fuck him.

“So,” Blaine says, and it's really breathy. “I have to ask you something.”

“Sure.”

“Well,” he licks his lips, “Tina said that you meant for me to stay for the whole weekend. Like, actually hang out here for the whole two days.”

This must be what Wile E. Coyote felt smashing his face against a fake tunnel.

“Uh,” he says, with his best smirk.

“See, I told her it was stupid. Good. With that cleared up: I have to go to workshop a scene with Elaine. See you later?”

Sebastian isn't sure he can talk.

He's never felt more like a fool in his entire life.

Not even Blaine bringing him down to kiss him shakes him out of it.

Or the second kiss. Or the third. Blaine's thigh taunt against his crotch jolts him, but it's- unwelcome.

“You'll be late to your workshop,” he says, pulling away, and Blaine pouts in that stupidly bratty way of his.

It doesn't last for long.

“She won't mind,” he says, but it sound all wrong.

Sebastian makes to put his hands in pockets, but his sweatpants don't have any. He crosses them against his chest instead.

“Sebastian,” Blaine says, and it's extremely contained and polite, “I wasn't using Tina's name as an excuse. I really didn't think this was anything more than what it is.”

“And what is it?” he asks, and then he looks away quickly, because he can't believe he said it.

Blaine's eyes are narrow when he faces the fact that he can't hide away forever.

“Sebastian,” he says, and its sounds exactly like before, “I'm not searching for a relationship right now.”

It's the most uncomfortable he's ever been.

“I know.”

“I didn't think you wanted”-

“I know. I don't.”

Blaine looks almost betrayed. Like he trusted Sebastian not to put him in this spot.

“It isn't like I'm getting this out of nowhere. You said-” he says, because he didn't make it all up in his head.

Blaine crosses his arms, and it feels like a knife. Sebastian throws his arms down and hooks his index fingers in the waistband of his pants, a little behind his hips.

“I said a lot of things.”

“You said you wanted to wake up next to me.”

“I did. And I'll say it again. It's true. I thought I could tell you that, because you wouldn't have- I was wrong, obviously. I'm sorry.”

“Don't take it back,” he says, and it's the first sentence in a while that sounds like himself to his ears.

Blaine flinches, and then musses his hair. His fingers get tangled in a curl.

“I have to go.”

“Thought Elaine wouldn't mind.”

“She won't. But we need to talk about this, and I don't want-”

“What I don't want, is a director's cut of whatever movie you're playing in your head. I don't want a rehearsed speech about how we want different things and we should just shake on it and walk away.”

“But we do,” Blaine says, and it's almost angry, “and trust me, I wouldn't have thought to be the one on this side of the fence.”

“We don't,” Sebastian says. “We were always on the same page. You're the one giving meaning to something that could have just been fun.”

“You're the one who asked me to name this.”

“Because you-” he doesn't know how to deal with this. He doesn't know how to wrangle it. He needs to see it from another angle, he needs to turn it until it will start to make sense again.

Blaine looks at him hesitantly. He's still here. He said he should go, and he didn't even got his bag.

“Do you want to?” Sebastian asks, and it's a bit like playing dirty. “Spend the weekend?”

“I-”

“I'm not asking if you think you should. If spending two days with me wouldn't mean changing anything about what we're doing, would you want to?”

Blaine's lips are parted, his shoulders hunched. He looks defeated, dragged in front of an audience without knowing his script.

“Does it matter?” he asks.

“Yeah, it does. Because I'm not asking you to be my boyfriend. I'm not asking you to- heal and move on. I'm asking you to fuck me, and to think about me while you do it.”

Blaine swallows something.

“Look, I might not get it. What you're going through. Or why you can't get over a guy that never existed, because he spent the better part of his time with you playing pretend and keeping you around as a trophy husband, until he decided that he was better than you all along, actually.”

“That's not what-”

“I might not get it, but I understand that you don't want anything out of me more than feeling good. You make me feel good, too. I don't care about anything else. I just want you here. And if you want to be here, then stop listening to Tina and trust yourself.”

He thinks maybe he went too far.

When Blaine reaches for his bag, he knows he did.

But Blaine is writing a text, and then he throws his phone away. He turns around and walks up to him, and Sebastian leans down on his own, brings Blaine's hands on his hips.

It's a very cold kiss. It's heated, and Blaine clings to him, his fingers buried in his skin, but that's none of the ease, none of the levity.

“Wait,” Blaine tells him when Sebastian walks him back to bed.

Sebastian's heart races. When Blaine chuckles, it makes Sebastian breath again.

“Promised Thad we wouldn't have sex on his bed.”

Sebastian's laugh might be just a bit nervous, but it melts in Blaine's mouth. His hand go up to his chest, and Sebastian walks back until his legs hit his mattress. He waits for Blaine to sit on his lap, but he kneels down instead.

Sebastian keeps it together while Blaine takes off his sweatpants and his underwear. He keeps it together when Blaine puts his leg over his shoulder.

He loses it at the kiss inside of his thigh. Or maybe it's the way Blaine is looking at him.

“This is unfair!” Blaine says getting back from the vending machines. “You've got apple cookies!”

“As every other dorm gets. Regretting taking a pledge?”

“Never,” he says sitting on the bed with his legs crossed, “but I'm going to raid all of them. If you wake up one day and there's none of these left, you'll know it was me. Which means I'll know who ratted me out.”

He eats one, skim reading the back of the package, and Sebastian knows what he said, but he also knows he is wrong.

He didn't want Blaine around just because. He wanted Blaine around to keep.

The thing about feeling things for the first time is that it takes a while to understand it. Especially when the only way to feel, for him, is often to think his way through it with logic, piecing it together like someone would a math problem. It's what he likes about psychology, that it puts emotions into words.

There's not much logic in the warmth that spreads in his chest looking at Blaine wearing one of his shirts and wiping crumbles away from the corner of his mouth.

It reminds him of dancing. Of letting go, for once, and just trust his body to know what to do.

He reaches out and kisses him, and Blaine laughs, his mouth closed, and pushes him back. He chews quickly, hiding behind the back of the hand that's not resting on Sebastian's chest.

“Let me eat,” he says, and Sebastian kisses him again.

Blaine laughs again, but when he pushes him back it isn't to keep him away.

The blueish tinge of the lights over Blaine's head make his eyes flicker green. Blaine's cheeks heat up, and Sebastian is worried that Blaine will run away, but he just brushes a few strands of hair out of Sebastian's eyes.

“What?”

“I think you're the prettiest man I've ever seen.”

Blaine blushes redder. And then he bites his lip with a hint of mischief.

“What?” he mocks.

“Nothing. I just- I think your cheesy lines are rubbing off of me.”

“Say it. The trick to make it work is to not think it over,” he insists. Blaine tugs on his brief.

“I was going to ask you if you were familiar with the concept of a mirror,” he says in his best drawl, and Sebastian would have laughed harder if he wasn't trying to catch for air, Blaine's fingers opening him up.

He throws his head back, hands gripping at Blaine's biceps, his elbows, his shoulders, until they settle on his back. He spreads his legs wider. He pushes back into his hand, and Blaine kisses his cheek.

“Do you want do me?”

“Later,” he mouths, a bit breathless, “we've got time.”

He means it. He's gonna make the most of it. Live someone else's life for forty-eight hours, get it out of his system.

He can't get over something he never had, but maybe this will be enough.

When he wakes up on Sunday, he smiles. And then he frowns, because why would he smile waking up with his face washed out by the sun? But Blaine cards his fingers through Sebastian's hair, and Sebastian is quick to grin again.

“Hey,” Blaine says, voice husky and sweet, “goodmorning.”

“What kind of ungodly hour in the morning is it?”

“8:30.”

He groans.

“On a Sunday? What are we, sixty-eight year old lesbians living in a farm?”

“We fell asleep pretty early.”

“Did we?”

“You wanted to fuck me quickly before dinner, and then it wasn't so quick, and we went straight to sleeping.”

“Oh, yeah. You know you shouldn't let me take decisions.”

“We wouldn't be here, if I didn't hear you out from time to time.”

Sebastian kisses his chest, and Blaine's hand leaves his hair to wrap around Sebastian's shoulders.

It's early, and it's warm, and he doesn't care if the hunger is clawing his way through his stomach. When he dozes off again he doesn't resist it, Blaine mouthing sweet nothing in his hair.

When Thad gets back on Sunday evening they're actually decent.

Sebastian is regrettably studying at his desk, his phone confiscated by Blaine, who's going through the script of Chicago sitting on Sebastian's bed. He helped Blaine reading his lines, a throwback to his High School glory days. Blaine was impressed, of which Sebastian is maybe a bit proud. In return, Blaine know knows all about how much Sebastian hates Freud. It's more productive than texting Kitty, since he has no idea what Sebastian is talking about, and can't fuel his rants further when they reach their natural conclusion.

Blaine seems relaxed and happy, and Sebastian feels like a con-man. Taking out of this exactly what Blaine didn't want him to. But midnight is almost there, and he's going to sober himself up. Go back to being the perfect sponge.

“God, I'm starving,” Thad says after settling in and taking off his jacket. “I think I'm craving some kebab in the park. Want to come?”

“Sure,” Sebastian says. He's ready to hear Blaine's no, so it takes a while for his _okay_ so settle in.

He looks up at him, and Blaine's smile is private. He's twirling his pen between his fingers. Thad looks between them for a second, but then John picks up.

Sebastian gets dressed quickly, and he gets irrationally jealous when Blaine gestures to Thad about stealing a pair of his jeans. But then he gets beside Sebastian, and he looks at him in the eyes, with utmost confidence and the slightest hint of a blush on his cheekbones.

“Anything yours you'd like to see me wearing?”

Sebastian needs a second. A very long second that has Blaine smiling smugly. Just to shut him up, he throws at him the first shirt he can get his hands on. It's an old NASA shirt he got from a field trip when he was younger. The logo is chipped and it's wearing thin in some spots, but he likes it too much to throw it away. It's way too long on Blaine, but it fits nicely otherwise. Blaine tucks it inside his jeans with ease, looking like it's something he's used to do.

He looks- weird. Soft curls with no hint of gel, glasses, no tight shirts or colorful pants of bowties. Then he crouches on the ground, rolls up his jeans with smart quick fingers, even if he doesn't need to. When he stands up and slips into his Oxford, socks hidden inside the shoes, he looks just the way he should.

Sebastian shouldn't, but he kisses him. Mouth closed and soft lips. Blaine sighs into it.

“I don't, I guess,”- Thad is saying on the phone, “I'll ask him if they stop making out.”

“What could you possibly want?” Sebastian snaps.

“To ask Blaine if Tina is coming. John has a CD to lend her.”

“A CD?” Sebastian asks, “what is this, 2009?”

“I can give it to her. I think she's on a date with Mike.”

She's not. Sebastian just knows it, from the way he said it. But Blaine takes his hand, and he doesn't question it.

He understands why he lied soon enough. John and Thad are catching up after the weekend, and while they break out in group conversations, they always split up in pairs. They get their dinner and sit on the grass, and the darker it gets, the closer Blaine drifts to him. They brush hands, whisper in each other ears, and Sebastian knows it's a spectacularly bad idea when John doesn't give him grief for settling between Blaine's legs, leaning back on him.

It's too nice to care. Too easy to fall into it.

They each take their own route home, and when they get to Delta Phi their hands are still intertwined and Blaine is laughing at the last stupid, vaguely mean thing Sebastian said.

They don't kiss each other goodnight.

In a way, that's better. If they did, it would have felt like a period at the end of a paragraph.

8.

Blaine is wearing his glasses at the next party he catches him at. His hair is curly and a bit wild, but it's styled. The side part makes him look like a waiter at a 50's diner. It's a really nice look, somewhere between the preppy colorful clothes and the dressed down Blaine he got to see on their two-days getaway.

Thad was weirdly silent about the ordeal. He was weirdly silent when Blaine showed up on Saturday morning, too. Sebastian still has to figure out what's up with that exactly. He could just be trying to teach Sebastian to mind his own business.

Blaine's smile is very bright when he sees him, and Sebastian hates that he probably matches it.

No. He said he'd get over it. There's nothing to gain here.

“Hey,” Blaine tells him when he's close enough that the deafening basses won't drown him, “want to dance?”

Sebastian surveys his face in search of a hint that he meant it in a sexy way, but he just seems excited to dance. Sebastian sighs and takes his hands.

“Sure, killer,” he mumbles, and Blaine looks very intently at his lips. Sebastian know he's doing it to read them, but it still gets to him.

He wants to kiss him. Instead he brings him on the floor, and soon enough Blaine is looking at him with an even more confused, adoring look than he did when Sebastian pulled off some lines. So what if he's showing off a bit of West Coast Swing. His dad didn't pay for all those classes for nothing. Besides, it's been ages since he properly danced, and Blaine can keep up just fine.

They dance far too long into the night. The party gets even louder, the music switches to hard rock, the floor gets so packed they can't do much more than jump on the spot. They get pressed together and it would be so easy to make out, to grind against Blaine's back, to coax Blaine to kiss a hickey on his neck. But they don't, and when the party host calls for the night, they complain along everyone else.

It's almost 5:00am when they stagger out, Sebastian crashing over Blaine even if he has sweated off any trace of alcohol. He's tired, his chest is still heaving, and Blaine's arm around his waist is the closest touch he's gonna get tonight.

It's surprisingly fine- and that's precisely why Sebastian can't let it happen.

So when they walk in front of Delta Phi, Sebastian kisses him. Blaine moans and kisses him back, curling his hands in the front of his shirt, than the back, and Sebastian forgets he's tired, that he desperately needs to drink, forgets anything that's not Blaine.

“Stay the night?” Blaine asks on his lips, and Sebastian laughs, a little breathless.

“I think the night is gone.”

“Semantics.”

Any retort is cut off by Blaine working his belt open.

“Hey, easy there, killer. As sexy as the exhibitionism is, I don't want to get sued for public indecency.”

“Then let's go inside.”

“What about your _brothers_?”

“My brothers are all gonna be asleep, and most of them have class tomorrow morning. They don't need to know, if you keep quiet.”

It gets down to a murmur, and Sebastian can't help to feel a little weak. He pushes back anyway.

“I can do that. But what about you?”

“I'm not loud, Sebastian,” he says, and it's true, but it only riles him up.

“Maybe I just didn't try hard enough,”

Blaine throws his head back with a very deep frustrated groan that Sebastian wasn't expecting.

They both manage to keep as quiet as they can, but they have to stop to get the bed off the wall, and even then the guy next door hits the wall two, three times. But Blaine wraps his legs around him and tells him to ignore him, and Sebastian does, pushing into Blaine, and- he has to stop doing this.

It hits him when Blaine comes clutching at him, and all Sebastian can think of is: I need more. It only gets worse when Blaine pushes him off and finishes him off with his fingers, holding his wrist over his head, and Sebastian actually comes shortly after Blaine tells him to.

This is not good for him. Rather, it will not be good for him.

But he still holds on to Blaine when he crashes over him, and he nuzzles Blaine's cheek.

“Have I told you you're the best sex I've ever had?”

Blaine purrs in his arms.

“I'd say it back, but I think you guessed it.”

“You mean I somehow do better than the guy who didn't know how to blow you, or fuck you?”

“It was still good, you know,” he says, “it just wasn't you.”

The silence gets heavy. Bird are chirping outside, and Sebastian can hear someone going down the stairs, maybe to go for a run.

He kisses Blaine's hair, and holds on as long as he can.

9.

He has a plan. He's not gonna show up at a party for the foreseeable future. Blaine will find someone else to seduce, and Sebastian will get over it. He just has to avoid temptation.

There's a few problems with his plan. Thad's incessant whining that he's abusing of his stay-in permits, and that sometimes he wants to have sex with his boyfriend in his own bed. The fact that he's bored out of his mind and he gets the highest kick out of compiling spreadsheets detailing how many minutes each episode of the Gossip Girl reboot devolves to sex, drugs and animal rights. And that he still can't stop thinking about Blaine, which means he desperately need to fuck someone else to get him out of his mind, but he can't find someone to fuck if he doesn't go to parties- not with minimum effort. And he has no patience nor willingness to try and pick up a guy that isn't already out to get it.

He manages to keep it up for twelve days. Two weekends.

Then the biggest fault of his plan reveals itself with a knock on the door. Blaine knows where to find him.

“Hi,” Blaine smiles on the other side of the door, and Sebastian takes in a deep, starved breath.

“Hey,” he says because he doesn't have a backbone.

Blaine looks gorgeous. He's wearing all back, from his long-sleeved henley to his socks, for once showing over his trainers. Sebastian has been in enough plays to know it's rehearsals clothes.

Blaine hesitates just a second. Sebastian does not like that.

“I know I haven't been around in a while,” Blaine says, “and I figured I- I didn't want you to think I was avoiding you.”

Oh, come on. Sebastian bites down a thousand curses, most of them in French, and forces himself in a smirk. One that's not at all hiding the violent need to stab himself through his ribs with his pen. He keeps fidgeting with it, and Blaine's eyes flicker to his hand before looking back up. Sebastian remembers then he's waiting for an answer.

“No problem,” he shrugs. “You owe me nothing. If you're not in the mood, then that's about it.”

“It's just- I know last time I run my mouth again, and I-”

“Don't worry about it. I've told you. We just do what feels good in the moment. No consequences.”

Blaine looks hesitant. And then he brings Sebastian's down for a kiss, leaning on his toes to meet him halfway. Sebastian crashes into him. He wraps an arm around his waist. He gasps in his mouth, a hand buried in Blaine's hair. He doesn't care if it's desperate, he doesn't care if his moans are too close to a plea. No consequences.

There's words hanging between them when they part, Blaine's pants ghosting over Sebastian's jaw. His thumb is making circles under Sebastian's ear.

But he doesn't speak, and he kisses his jaw instead.

He makes to break away, but Sebastian pulls him in again, intertwining their fingers together, a hand on Blaine's back.

“What?” he asks, and Blaine shakes his head, eyes on Sebastian's lips.

“Blaine. It's worst if you don't tell me.”

Blaine's eyes are wide and blown out. Sebastian regrets asking before Blaine talks, as soon as he sees him swallowing, tongue wetting his lips. Buying time.

“I don't want to hurt you.”

It's the raw honesty that drags Sebastian out of the mud he's been swimming in.

“I have been avoiding you,” Sebastian says, because he owes him that.

Blaine's eyes get shinier.

“I shouldn't be here,” he shakes his head, and Sebastian lets him go when he takes a step back. “I knew this was a bad idea. I just-”

“It's my fault.” Sebastian swallows what's left of his dignity. “You trusted me, and I fucked it up. Thing is, I really didn't know what I was doing. I have no precedent for this.”

“You think I do?” Blaine asks, and it's humorous in the way desperation somehow sounds. “Jeremiah was my first boyfriend. My first date. My first time. My first anything. I never had to deal with-”

“Someone getting too attached?”

Blaine parts his lips, looking completely lost.

“That's why I never sleep with the same person twice, aside from how boring people tend to be. I knew how this worked. You're not at fault. This is on me.”

“Sebastian,”

“Listen, it's okay. I'll get over it. I just need to stay away for a bit. Clear my head.”

Blaine's cheek hollows out, and Sebastian thinks maybe he's missing something.

But then Blaine gives him a small, genuine smile. Sebastian just wishes he could stop playing with the stupid pen he hasn't dropped yet for some reason.

He stands a bit straighter when Blaine walks up to him again. He closes his eyes when he leans up, a hand on Sebastian's chest. His lips on Sebastian's cheek sear his skin.

“I'm sorry.” It's barely more that a breath.

His eyes are golden and earnest, and Sebastian does the only thing he can. He smiles.

He closes the door as soon as Blaine turns away. He tries to catch a breath, but it's hard to. He opens the window, and stares at the lake glinting behind the trees.

When Thad comes back, the street lamps have flickered on.

He bumps into Mel on his way to History of Hollywood Cinema.

“There's only so many jokes I can make about the raccoon eyes affecting your sight,” he tells her, but she just stares at him.

“What?” he asks after a while, because he's starting to feel uncomfortable. “A Satanic ritual went wrong and now you've lost your voice?”

“Don't get your hopes up,” she says, dry as always.

Then she throws her head back.

“I can't believe he got me to care about your feelings,” she wails. “Are you okay?”

Sebastian's first instinct is to mail her a manila fold of vaguely racist statements as soon as he gets back to his room.

“Oh, don't look at me like that. Do you know how much it took for me to ask that?”

“I'm fine,” he finds himself saying, maybe out of respect for her efforts.

“Are you? You're looking so- lifeless.”

“I just haven't slept much.”

“God, I've told him five thousand times how much of a bad idea this was,” she buries her face in her hands, covered in black lace gloves, “and you, for what matters,” she point at him, “why does nobody listen to me?”

“Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you look like you want to harvest their bones to offer them to mother Earth. Or Satan.”

“At least decide if I'm a witch or a vampire, Sebastian.”

“One is a race, the other one is a class. You can be both.”

He made a mistake. He knows it the second Tina's eyes light up.

“You play DnD.”

“No, I don't,” he lies.

“Yes, you do.”

She looks him up and down.

“Adaptable and sleazy. Human rogue?” she asks, and Sebastian raises his finger to object.

He doesn't have time, because he catches a glimpse of Blaine over Tina's shoulder. She turns to look behind her, and then winces.

“I don't think he saw us yet. You can go.”

Blaine is indeed walking with a script in hand.

“I'm not gonna run away from him.”

“I think it's for the better if you do. The first two weeks are the most painful.”

“Why do you care, again?”

“Because I knew this would happen and I'm very sensitive to heartbreaks”

“Then stop worrying, because no one here is heartbroken.”

Sebastian is extremely offended by Tina's contrite look.

“Thad asked the double date group-chat if we knew any tips on how to deal with people in shock.”

“Double date group-chat?” he asks very slowly, because he doesn't have time to handle Thad betrayal.

“Yeah. Tike and Jhad.”

“Sebastian?” Blaine says, and Sebastian thanks the Lord for having something to make fun of.

“Did you know they're swingers?”

Blaine runs his eyes over him rather than looking at Tina.

“Yeah, I did.”

“We're not swingers,” she sighs, “we just like going out with other couples. I don't suppose you get the appeal of that.”

It's a very painful flashback the one that hits Sebastian right in the stomach. He takes a quick look at Blaine, and then look away.

“As much as I'd like to hang around to mock you for the way you choose to spend your time, I have to go to class. It was good to see you, Blaine.”

He nods, a very small smile on his lips.

Sebastian lingers more than he should.

“Great,” Tina says forcibly cheery, “we have to get to the acting seminary. Right, Blaine?”

He adjusts the strap of his bag even if it wasn't falling off.

“Right, Blainey-day?”

“Yeah,” he swallows, and Sebastian doesn't know how he manages to walk away.

It's a good thing he learned most of what the course tackles watching video essays on YouTube. He even manages to get a few answers rights.

“So,” Tina announces sitting down at the Tike and Jhad weekly ice-cream date, “do any of us know what exactly happened with the two morons? You keep studying for your test, Mike.”

Mike shrugs, and Tina kisses his cheek leaving a black lipstick mark.

“What makes you think that Sebastian would talk to me about things that matter?” Thad asks.

“It's incredible how he never shuts up and yet rarely says anything,” John sips on his coffee. “Of course I know nothing, Tina.”

“Well, what I know, is that Blaine was having fun for once in his life, and then your guy went and caught feelings.”

“It still creeps me out,” Thad stirs his coffee with the wooden stick, “I've never seen him like this. I'm afraid of saying anything to him in fear that he'll bite back, like a feral cat.”

“Typical of Blaine,” Tina sighs, “he's always left oceans of broken hearts behind him.”

“He is pretty,” Mike says, and Tina turns to him. “What? I have eyes.”

“Whatever. Point is, we should have stopped it sooner. I tried, but Blaine was so convinced Sebastian didn't want anything from him that he wouldn't listen to a single word.”

“In his defense, it was statistically a sure bet.”

“But he didn't know that, did he?”

“Sebastian makes it pretty obvious that romance isn't his thing. It's just how he's built.”

“Does he? Because everything about him screams _please, let me be your boyfriend let me hold your hand let me spoil you rotten._ ”

“Yeah, again, a Blaine thing. It's a bit disconcerting.”

Tina licks the ice-cream melting on her fingers.

“And now he's just so sad,” Tina goes on. “He's always zoning out. Blaine, I mean. You can tell he's beating himself up over hurting him.”

“But is it?” John asks, and Tina frowns. “The reason why he's doing it? Couldn't it be that he just misses Sebastian?”

“Well, of course he misses him,” Thad says, with ridiculously large eyes.

“Are you speaking from experience?” John asks, and Thad pushes him.

“Absolutely not, I don't want his filthy paws anywhere on my body. Once I was sick and delirious and I punched him in the face when he tried to help me getting up from the bathroom floor. It was a bonding experience.”

“That's very touching,” Tina muses, “and I don't think that's it. I mean, he still seems pretty conflicted about Jeremiah. He's been since he started getting those stupid highlights and wearing crop tops to the-”

She shoots up. He ice-cream drops on the table, dribbling over Mike's notes.

“Dammit.”

“What?”

“You said Sebastian doesn't want a boyfriend.”

“Well, I think he wants Blaine to be his boyfriend.”

“That's it! I can't believe I didn't- he isn't hung up on Jeremiah, he's still worrying about that nonsense about forcing him into a role he didn't want to! And now Sebastian, who otherwise has the romanticism- other than the silhouette- of a scarecrow, suddenly turns into a simp. Of course he doesn't want to be with him!”

Thad closes his eyes. John dissociates, eyes lost in the nothingness.

“So, wait,” Mike says, “they both want to be together, but Sebastian thinks Blaine isn't interested, and Blaine doesn't want Sebastian to get into something he'll regret?”

“Yes!” she yells, “They're out there pining like a Jane Austen's couple! But what do we do about this?”

“I mean,” Thad says, “you could tell Sebastian. I'm pretty sure you'd make his day.”

“That's really heavy meddling,” she says, sitting back down. “One thing is to tell them to stop being idiots, but I don't want to break Blaine's trust. Besides, he could be right. We don't know how long Sebastian's infatuation will last. We don't have any precedents.”

“It's a bit depressing,” Thad says after a heavy silence. “They always looked so happy.”

Tina hadn't meant to cry. She sniffles. Then she makes a tiny choked sound.

Mike's arm holds her, and she leans into it.

“They did. I haven't seen Blaine look that happy since, since,” she fulls on wails, “I just love him so much and him and Jeremiah went through so much and I thought their love would last forever but he really did just treat Blaine like a consolation prize and I couldn't see it because Blaine never tells me how he feels and I have to figure it out and I,” she blows her nose in the napkin Mike handed her, “and now I care about Sebastian too and I think he's an ass but he was always so nice to Blaine, and I- I-”

“What if we do meddle?” John asks, and Tina perks up.

“But how?”

“By just getting them on a date. It has to be somewhere that will make them talk.”

“We can't close them anywhere, they would just have sex.”

“No, Thad, I meant somewhere that will make Sebastian understand, and Blaine want to open up.”

“And where would that be?”

“I think Tina's got an idea.”

Sebastian hates himself for doing this.

But the truth is, he's withering away. He has no interest in hooking-up, because he knows it won't be worth the effort. Partying is boring without a prize to catch, not to mention that he could run into Blaine and he knows, as the undignified worm he somewhat became, that he would end up sleeping with him again.

But he misses him. And not just his hands, or his smell. He misses the teasing, how they never stayed silent for more than a few minutes. He misses how he felt when Blaine was around. Less bored, less bitter. And he knows he has to get over it, but complete withdrawal seems to be doing nothing so far if not making him feel hollow. So when Thad tells him they're organizing a DnD session since Tina claims to be the best master at Northwestern, he gives in. She clocked him already, after all.

The night isn't- terrible.

He deliberately sits where he won't have to look at Blaine to listen to Mel. He puts extra care into taking all of the worst decisions. He makes sure not to have his rogue interact with Blaine's bard in any meaningful way, and just basks in Blaine's complete joy at playing his guitar and composing songs on the spot. He drives Tina mad at least three times, pushing his exploration of a random chamber so far that he inadvertently ends up discovering a trap intended for the following meeting. Her _God, why,_ is so heartfelt that Sebastian puts up a campaign to give inspiration points to the master too. She almost cries then, asking him why on earth would she get points for acting in character when she isn't even playing one.

It's fun. And what if Sebastian catches Blaine staring at him, or if he lingers on him with much more yearning than he should when Blaine makes up a stupid song to convince a dragon not to eat his bard. He's allowed to, he shudders, have a crush.

It's late when they wrap the session up. They held it in Mike's single room, which means Tina can just drop on the couch, exhausted. John is still confused about the damage rolls, and Thad tries to explain it to him while they walk back to their dorm. Blaine and Sebastian follow them a few feet behind, not really talking. It's weird and uncomfortable, but Blaine doesn't seem to be neither. Of course he wouldn't, he isn't the one that caught feelings, after all. Sebastian kicks a stone on the pathway.

“Well, bye. See you tomorrow,” Thad says at an intersection, and Sebastian looks up.

He disguises the panic behind a smirk.

“What?”

“We're going back to John's. We decided his casually homophobic roommate will have to deal with the gays making out in front of him.”

“It's not like we don't have separate rooms anyway.”

Sebastian doesn't care. He doesn't give a fuck about John's roommate, or how the grad students housing is organized. He cares about getting set-up.

“See you,” Blaine says, and Sebastian turns to look at him.

Blaine doesn't look back, which is kind of him, but also very- casually homophobic.

Sebastian forgoes any byes in favor of a nod.

And then it's just the two of them. Sebastian could take the longer road to get to the dorms, but he refuses to. He might be a coward, but he does value his dignity.

“I forgot how much fun it was,” Blaine tells him as they're strolling bye, walking unbearably slowly.

“Haven't done it a while?”

“Yeah, I-” he takes a small breath, and Sebastian knows exactly who's fault it is.

“Let me guess, the ex-boyfriend didn't like it?”

Blaine tilts his head, and Sebastian fights the urge to tuck away a stray curl.

“It used to be one of the few thing we did together before he came out. I did it because I loved it, but to him, it was just- an opportunity to hang out without worrying about getting caught. Which he didn't mention until maybe two years in? I mean, I noticed he was getting less and less enthusiastic about it, but he kept asking when the next session was, so I thought everything was fine. But then we had a fight about it. He told me he went only because it made me happy, which- cute, in theory, but after that, I spent the entire nights worrying about him. Knowing he would rather be anywhere else. At some point I couldn't take it anymore, so we just stopped going.”

“Didn't he have anything else to do when you were busy with your friends?”

“Not at the time. We were in the same circles, my friends were his friends, and he didn't do sports anymore. And he never liked being on his own. That's why I pushed him to find new friends. And he did. And then he moved to LA.”

“It really bothers you, doesn't it?” Sebastian makes sure to be very careful, “That he spent so much time doing things for you.”

“I never meant for him to do it. And then suddenly anything we ever did was- a favor he was doing me. He was so happy doing his new things, and I just- missed him.”

“Why didn't you break up with him?”

Blaine hugs himself, looking ahead.

“He came out for me, Sebastian. And I told him not to. I did. I made sure to never, ever, make it a point of contention. I was so careful. But it came a point that I couldn't bear it anymore, and I had to break up with him. I did, and next thing I knew, his dad had left home and his mother was barely talking to him. And I knew why he did it when he did it. I never meant for it to be an ultimatum, I just- I was breaking under the pressure of it. I had to watch my every word, I couldn't look at him, even more so because I was out. And the more time passed, the more I felt like I was getting dragged under again.”

“I'm sure he did it because he loved you, B.”

“I was too. But then it was coming to Northwestern. And DnD. And show choir. I don't know what he did for love, what he did for himself, or what he did out of fear.”

“Maybe you should talk to him. Clear it out.”

“God, not now,” Blaine says, and Sebastian chuckles, “he would even take back liking football. Which I know he did like, because it used to be only time he smiled at me in public. When he would score at a game.”

Sebastian licks his cheek.

“Oh, God,” Blaine says, stopping dead in his track, a hand to his eyes, “that was because he had an excuse to do it, wasn't it? Jesus, did I even know anything about him?”

“It's not on you, B.”

“How is it not on me?” he whines, “Three years, Sebastian. And I couldn't see that he was faking almost all of it.”

“From what you've told me, I don't think he knew who he was either. I think he liked you, and he did a lot of things so that, well, his mother would still talk to him, and his father wouldn't run away. I'm sure he had fun listening to you serenading a dragon not to hurt you, and I'm sure that making you happy made him happy. But then he just- found himself. And you didn't match anymore. It's that easy. It's probably why virtually every High School relationship doesn't work out. You're not a bad person because he decided he's into- what is he into again?”

“Fake-tanning and spinning.”

“Blaine. Are you wasting your time on someone who's into _spinning_?”

“It's not him. I'm happy he's off doing his thing. And I didn't really like him very much for the last year or so, anyway. I was sad, I missed having him around for a while, sure, but- I was never hung up on him. Tina was convinced I was, which I made her believe, because, well.” Sebastian is sure he won't like what will come next. “I might have convinced her to come ring-shopping with me. Twice.”

“Blaine!”

“I know, okay? I know. But I was desperate. He was slipping away, and I felt bad about holding him back, and I thought, this will show him I still _love_ him, right? That I support him.”

“That shows you are an idiot.”

Blaine opens his arms.

“Yeah. Which is way I thought I'd just let Tina think that my clubbing phase was just a way to get under someone else to get over him.”

“What was it about, then?”

“I just like partying. I never went because Jeremiah would sulk in a corner and suck the joy out of me. I like to dance, I like to flirt, I do like sex. It isn't that our there, is it?”

“You just wrote my grindr profile for me, I'm not going to disagree.”

Blaine smiles, but it's restrained. He goes back hugging himself.

Sebastian's breath catches in his throat.

“You like me,” he says, taking a step closer.

Blaine puts his hands in his back pockets and looks up a little.

“You just think that I will do things for you because I like you and then I will take it back.”

“I- I mean, you said it yourself, you don't- do this.”

“Blaine, you gotta get over it.”

“I know, I just- I wasn't searching for another relationship. And with you, I thought I'd found this uncomplicated thing that I could just enjoy. And when you asked me to give you a chance-”

“I never did that,”

“What was that weekend about, then?”

“Uh-”

Blaine chuckles, before taking him out of his misery.

“I allowed myself to think about it, then. What being with you would be like. And I- you make so happy, Sebastian. And there's nothing more that I would love than being with you. But I'm afraid that you will- snap out of this. And that I'll be here, again, thinking of all the things you didn't really want to do, that you did anyway. Just for me.”

“What have I done so far that was just for you, Blaine?”

He parts his lips.

“I like my life too much to give it up for someone. Sure, I spent a lot of time with you, but that's because being with you it's like being on my own, but better. Hell, you spent hours listening to me going on and on about Freud like you gave a fuck. I'm not giving up anything to be with you. I was never in a relationship because I never met someone that didn't make it feel like a chore. I don't _hate_ love, it's just that it never happened to me. The last thing you have to worry about, is me doing something I don't like for someone else. Even you. I'm too selfish for that.”

“But what if-”

“Blaine, I can't tell you right now that I'll feel this way about you forever. I would love to, but I don't know that. And yeah, I'll probably end up doing something that will look very stupid to me when I'll look back, but isn't that part of the high? What I can tell you, B, is that I like you. As a person. To be around. Or I wouldn't _be_ around you.”

Blaine smile is too sweet to look at so far away. Sebastian runs his hands along Blaine's arm, until they're holding hands.

“Do what feels good, no consequences, remember? Right now, that's being with you. And if somehow that will stop making me happy, than I'll break up with you. I won't drag it out. You can trust that.”

Blaine stepped even closer. His eyes got narrower, and his smile slier. Sebastian swallowed.

“I drive you crazy?”

“You should know it, by now.”

“Do you promise me? That you won't pretend to like something just because I do? That you won't stay with me if it gets boring and sad, just because you-”

He licks his lips.

“I do,” he says, and it's not just an answer.

Blaine frees one of his hands, and Sebastian bends down to lean into it when it comes up behind his neck.

Blaine doesn't kiss him. He just looks at him.

“Will I finally get your phone number? Because I'm so tired of having to ask Tina to ask Thad what parties do you plan to hit.”

Sebastian laughs, and he steals a quick kiss, because he can't wait anymore.

“I don't know, there's something vintage about it.”

“Shut up,” Blaine whines, and kisses him again. And again. “You drive me crazy, too, by the way.”

“People usually don't mean it in a positive way.”

“But I'm not _people_ ,” Blaine says, and the kiss is so soft it makes Sebastian dizzy.

Blaine opens his lips for him, and Sebastian cradles his jaw, feeling the stubborn five o' clock shadow on his cheek.

They hold hands all the way to Sebastian's room. Blaine's cardigan slips from his shoulder and he doesn't tug it back. They stop every few steps to steal a kiss.

When they fell into bed, they just kick off their shoes and curl up around each other. Sebastian doesn't care if his jeans are tight and his shirt uncomfortable- when they doze off, he just hugs Blaine closer.

+

“Do you have any news?” Thad asks her, sitting down at Tike and Jhad's usual table for Friday brunch, even if its Wednesday and both Mike and John have class.

“No, I don't. I tried asking him where he is, but the only think I got was _on my way._ ”

“Sebastian just replied with a sticker. Why are they doing this to us?”

“They must hate us. What if they figured out it was a set-up?”

“How could they?” Thad asks, and Tina stops shredding a napkin. “It was perfect. And they're both coming here, so that must mean that at the very least they're still willing to be at the same table.”

“Oh God, what if they're not? What if they want to tell us they're taking separate ways and this the last time we'll ever see them together?”

Thad hesitates. She throws him her napkin.

“You're supposed to reassure me!”

“Well, yesterday night was fun, right? Maybe that's a good sign.”

“Yeah, if you count my near mental breakdown. Maybe it's a good thing if they never want to see each other again. I can deal with Blaine rolling a 20 over a stupid song and convincing a frickin' dragon not to devour him, thus forcing me to make up a whole room on the spot since you weren't supposed to even engage with it,” she takes a long breath, “but Sebastian is exhausting.”

“You tell me,” Thad sighs, “sometimes I don't know how I do it.”

They sit in silence, both looking at the table.

“Maybe I should send him another text,” Tina says, but Thad perks up.

“They're here.”

“Together? I can't turn around, it will be suspicious.”

Thad examines them from behind the window wall. Tina studies his face for clues, but he's just frowning.

“I think,” he takes a short breath. “I think this might be it.”

“In what sense?” she screams, but the doorbell rings and now, finally, she can turn.

Blaine's hair is a mess and he's wearing a shirt way too big for him. He's got his guitar on his back.

But it's his smile that speaks: it's blinding.

“Yes!” she yells, and then coughs afterwards. She ignores people looking at her funny, and waves to Blaine and Sebastian.

Blaine smiles, kind of used to the madness, and Sebastian looks at her like he's starting to really consider the state of her mental health.

Tina cooes when they look at each other, clearly discussing her. They're just talking, but her heart is filled with joy.

“I haven't seen him that relaxed since, since-”

“Don't cry, please, I don't know what to do when women cry. My mother yelled when she was upset.”

“I'm not gonna cry!” Tina says.

“Yeah, like that.”

She squats Thad's arm.

“So, this is good, right?”

“I think it is.”

They both smile, waiting for Blaine and Sebastian to sit down with their coffee. Blaine hangs the guitar to the back of the chair and it plays a single note.

“Hi,” Tina says, “came here together?”

“Not really,” Sebastian says, taking a sip of his coffee. “We met behind the corner. I was just trying to get a name out of Blaine, here.”

“A name?” Thad asks.

A chill goes down Tina's back.

“Yeah, I mean. He goes around looking like that, he should be ready to ask a few questions.”

“Sebastian,” Blaine scoffs, hiding behind his coffee, “I told you, I don't kiss and tell.”

Tina smiles. She rocks back and forth, her hands between her thighs. And then she sobs.

“No!” Thad says, reaching out a hand. His coffee falls on the table and spills on the floor.

Blaine coughs, choking on his drink. Sebastian laughs like a hyena.

“You,” Tina says, pointing at him, “You're gonna pay all of my therapy bills!”

“I'll gladly do so, if it's the price to pay to mess with you.”

“Wait, what?” Thad asks, eyes jolting between them. “You-?” he points at Blaine and Sebastian.

Blaine holds out his hand, wiggling his finger, and Sebastian takes no time to take it.

Once again, it's all in the smiles.

Tina wipes away a tear. Thad falls back on his chair.

“Although,” Sebastian frowns, “him being happy, I get. But you? Weren't you sure I was just another victim of Blaine Anderson's charm?”

“I made a little miscalculation. Maybe I wouldn't have, if he didn't fed me bullshit for months.”

Blaine has the decency to blush.

“I'm sorry, I just- I don't want to mess this up, and I didn't think there was a way to do it without any of us getting hurt.”

“Which is what happens where you're in touch with your feelings, by the way.”

“You didn't think I liked you, Sebastian. That superiority complex is hardly deserved.”

“To be fair, I did until you threw me off. I did better than Count von Count, here. She called me a sponge.”

Blaine snorts.

“Well, she didn't hear the shit I said to you.”

Sebastian makes a _eh_ sound that's just short of an admission.

“What is it?”

“We're not gonna tell you. Watch one of those Korean dramas if you need some gay romance to prey upon.”

“You can't throw the stone and then hide your hand!” she says to Blaine, ignoring him.

“Can't we?” Blaine asks, looking up.

Tina takes a deep breath. Then she gets up.

“Wait, where are you going?” Thad asks her.

“Away from them. They might be happy, but it doesn't mean I have to suffer the consequences of it.”

Sebastian's laugh is almost good-natured.

“Come on, Tay-Tay,” Blaine calls, but she whips her hair back for extra flair and makes her way through the coffee-shop.

She lingers on the door just a moment, right in time to see Sebastian put his arm around Blaine, their intertwined hands now over Blaine's heart. Maybe she'll make an effort to tolerate Sebastian, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> WHO WROTE THIS, TINA??????? (source: me, after every re-read)
> 
> @solli on tumblr if you want some context.  
> also, if you enjoyed it and want to let me know pls do. i needs applause to live ❤❤
> 
> (also blame abi for the friends with benefits thadbox. and a few others easter eggs -hi, Elaine.)


End file.
